When someone keeps taking cheap shots at you, it usually boils down to two things.

Human nature works like a seesaw: when you shrink, they swell; when you stand tall, they rein it in. Relationships are twisty, and the folks who roll their eyes and toss snide comments aren’t born with thorns—they’re trained by “easygoing” people who never push back. When the cost of picking on you is low, the worst in them starts to seep out. If someone habitually crosses the line with you, it tends to mean two things.

01 / You don’t push back, so they keep pushing

Most people run the math: who’s “safe” to needle? If they’ve learned that a jab earns nothing more than your polite smile—or that stepping on your toes gets no reaction—they’ll keep testing. Malice loves ambiguity. Every probe is just checking whether you’ll fight back; the clearer it is that you won’t, the bolder they get.

You don’t need to yell. Just call things out in the moment—plainly, calmly.

If they toss a backhanded “Must be nice to have so much free time,” try:
“Just wrapped my tasks. If you’re underwater, I can take a look at your queue.”

If they sneer, “That outfit’s a bit much,” ask:
“What specifically feels ‘too much’ to you? Be concrete.”

The second you meet the comment head-on, they panic a little—because their digs live in the fuzzy space where everything is deniable. Drag it into daylight and they’re forced into qualifiers—“That’s not what I meant”—which is its own lesson.

Let them know: I’m not short-tempered; I’m just selective. But if you keep poking, I won’t miss.

02 / You look isolated, so they latch on

People are more likely to kick when they think no one will step in. The bullies clock that you don’t have much social backup—that if things get ugly, you’ll swallow it—and even if it blows up, no one will say a word for you.

This isn’t about forming a clique; it’s about having a few real lines of support. Say hi in the hallway. Show up to the occasional team lunch. Lend a hand when a friend’s in a bind. These small exchanges are you laying track for yourself.

Let people around you see you as a normal, decent colleague—and as someone whose side of the story will be heard. Then the would-be troublemaker has to ask: “If this gets around, how will I look?”

Small-minded people fear a bad reputation. They act out when they think you have nowhere to take what happened. But if they realize that a word to the receptionist, the manager down the hall, or a teammate in the next pod could spread the story, they think twice.

Your network isn’t for climbing; it’s a quiet sign that you’re not on an island—and if someone plays dirty, daylight is coming.

03 / To handle malice, draw your lines first

There’s an old saying: leave a field untended and the weeds take over. If your boundaries aren’t clear, people’s worst impulses grow wild. Many of us think “arguing with petty people lowers me.” Maybe. But refusing to address it invites them to mistake your restraint for weakness and your kindness for permission.

A real boundary isn’t a slogan like “Don’t mess with me.” It’s a cost.
Which comments are off-limits? Which behaviors cross the line? And if someone goes there, what happens next?

This isn’t about scoring wins. It’s about not living in constant discomfort just to avoid ruffling feathers. You don’t have to be everyone’s favorite “nice person” at the expense of your own peace.

Setting boundaries says: If you meet me with respect, I’ll give you even more. If you show up with bad intent, I won’t play nice.

We’re social creatures. To live well with others, you need both softness and spine. Be generous with good people; show your edges to those who test you. The ones always throwing stones aren’t owed anything—you just looked easy to hit. Protecting yourself isn’t being harsh. It’s being healthy.