I later realized that a spiritual refuge can be found in music, books, work, poe

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"You never really knew me, but I’ve always loved you."

This is how Letter from an Unknown Woman begins, unfolding a tragic story of a love so deep it sinks to the dust.

A young woman falls in love with a new neighbor, a writer named Mr. R. From that moment on, she embarks on a lifetime of love for him, a devotion so consuming that it borders on self-sacrifice.

She gives up everything for him, pouring all her emotions and energy into him, while he views her merely as one of many fleeting acquaintances, never remembering her.

She loves him unconditionally, but ultimately, her love is unrequited. She loses hope, and in despair, takes her own life, leaving behind a final letter revealing the depth of her devotion.

This heartbreaking story makes us reflect on the nature of love:

In love, don't be like a moth to the flame. Be like the phoenix that rises from the ashes.

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1. Love Is Not Redemption, It Won't Heal Your Wounds

The protagonist in the book comes from a poor background, losing her father at a young age.

She lives with her melancholic mother in a small apartment, scraping by in a quiet, strained existence.

Growing up in the absence of a father and with a timid mother, she feels inadequate and shy. However, her heart longs for the comforts of a more refined life.

The crude neighbors torment her: an alcoholic father who frequently beats his wife, and a son who often bullies the protagonist. Once, he even threw a snowball at her, leaving her injured.

She feels suffocated in this oppressive environment, trapped in a world that seems colorless and bleak.

Then Mr. R, the writer, moves into the apartment next door. He is like a beam of light that breaks through her dark world.

Everything about him fascinates her: his handsome appearance, gentle eyes, soft voice, his wealth, knowledge, reputation, and the exotic decor of his home.

She believes he is her destiny, yearning for his love to rescue her from her pain.

She often spies on him through a small crack in the door, obsessively noting his comings and goings, the guests he entertains, even the style of his clothes.

To feel closer to him, she waits downstairs at night, staring at the light in his room, kissing the door handle he touched, and picking up the cigarette butts he discarded.

When her mother remarries and they move away for two years, she becomes even more isolated, consumed by her infatuation.

She lives in the pages of his books, chases his every move in the newspapers, and longs for a fleeting glimpse of him.

But all of this is a one-sided obsession. Mr. R never once remembers her.

At 18, when she becomes independent, she moves back to Vienna with a reckless passion, determined to win his attention.

She spends months waiting by his apartment, and one day, miraculously, he notices her and approaches.

They share three passionate nights together, but after he leaves for a trip, he never contacts her again.

For him, her passionate surrender was merely a brief moment of pleasure, not the beginning of any lasting love.

I completely agree with this quote:

“Placing your expectations on another person may bring temporary satisfaction, but over time, it becomes a cycle of unmet hopes.”

Love can numb your pain temporarily, but it cannot heal the cracks in your soul.

True healing begins with the courage to face your old wounds and move toward a new version of yourself.

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2. The Heart Flows Like the Seasons, Love Like the Tides

She never received even a single word from Mr. R, but what she did receive was a new life—his child.

She quit her job at a clothing store and struggled to get by, selling off her jewelry to make ends meet.

In a low-cost hospital, surrounded by people from the lower classes, she gave birth to a son, enduring both the physical pain of childbirth and the shame of poverty.

To ensure her son could live a better life, she became the mistress of wealthy men, selling her body, which meant nothing to her, just to survive.

They crossed paths many times, but he never recognized her.

Yet, she refused to let go, always hoping for his call.

In the glittering lights of a nightclub, they locked eyes once more, exchanging glances. She rushed toward him like a moth to a flame.

His warmth, and the deception of his travels, were no different from more than a decade ago.

She tried several times to spark a memory of their past, attempting to awaken the beauty they once shared.

But he had forgotten everything, and when she was nothing more than a new target, a fleeting pleasure, he slipped money into her hands.

Heartbroken and desperate, she fled from him, and in that moment, the 18-year-long illusion of love shattered completely.

But it was too late. For a wayward man, she had sacrificed countless opportunities to start anew, each step pulling her deeper into the depths of despair.

She abandoned the love of the mother who had once been her only support.

She gave up the financial assistance of her kind-hearted stepfather, who treated her like his own daughter.

She turned down the proposals of a count and a wealthy young factory owner who wished to pamper her.

Now, her endless expectations of love had led to nothing but empty dreams.

For the sake of her son, she could only continue selling herself to maintain the life she desired.

The man she had placed at the center of her life never once rescued her from the pit of despair.

Instead, he threw her deeper into a bottomless abyss.

There’s a quote in One Hundred Years of Solitude:

"A person’s spiritual refuge can be in music, in books, in work, in the mountains, rivers, and seas, but it should never be in another person."

Placing your emotional trust in someone else means that if they turn away, it’s like having your spine pulled out, leaving you in unbearable pain.

The human heart is ever-changing. No matter how deeply you love someone, you must never lose the ability to walk alone.

Try investing 80% of your energy in nurturing yourself, and you’ll find a brilliance that’s impossible to look away from.

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3. Only By Looking Within Can One Be Whole and Fulfilled

Their son was smart and handsome, loved both games and books, and showed the same traits as Mr. R—his demeanor and preferences were strikingly similar. He became her only reason for living.

But tragically, her son contracted typhoid fever and passed away at the age of 11.

In losing her son, she lost the last remaining meaning of her life.

Once again, she was consumed by an unshakeable loneliness, and she chose to bid farewell to life.

From the moment she laid eyes on him, she saw both his polished exterior and the darkness within him.

She knew he was a man of many affairs, but still, she gave herself to him.

She knew he was heartless, yet she allowed herself to fall deeper in love with him.

She abandoned herself, chasing after him, following a beautiful but empty dream, a fleeting rainbow bubble that would eventually burst.

But the dream she chased ruined her life.

Jung once said:

"Those who look outward are dreaming, but those who look inward are awake."

It reminds me of Martha Gellhorn, Ernest Hemingway’s third wife.

She was an independent woman who refused to be a mere appendage to the great writer.

When her husband suggested she give up being a journalist, and even asked for her to be labeled as "Mrs. Hemingway" on her published works, she refused without hesitation.

Although Hemingway was the man she had admired for years, in the fifth year of their marriage, when he found a new lover, she didn’t hesitate to file for divorce.

Throughout her long life, Martha never relied on anyone else’s light to shine. She focused on her own inner world and continued to explore the fields she loved.

As a war correspondent, she earned praise from Roosevelt.

As a writer, she authored five novels, fourteen short stories, and won the O. Henry Award for short fiction.

Her story reflects the helplessness and lack of self in the protagonist's life—her tendency to place her emotional dependence on others.

Mo Yan once wrote in The Late-Blooming Person:

"Falling in love with anything in youth is never wrong, and giving up anything in maturity is never a mistake. Everyone spends their life searching for someone whose soul resonates with theirs, only to realize, in the end, that the only true match is with oneself."

Humility cannot bring you salvation from others; only self-reliance can break through the deadlock.

Looking outward leads to losing oneself; looking inward leads to finding oneself.

Seeking outside means unfulfilled desires; seeking within leads to abundance and fulfillment.

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Final Thoughts

Master Hongyi once said:

"It is you who pave the road for yourself; it is you who destroy your own path; and it is you who achieve your own success."

Those who realize the truth are not trapped by external circumstances; those who save themselves are not defeated by fate.

Love can intoxicate and consume the heart, but it cannot heal the wounds of the soul. A partner may stay by your side for life, but they cannot help you climb out of life’s lowest points.

Only through unrelenting self-strengthening and seeking within can you achieve spiritual richness and fulfillment.

Ultimately, in this life, it’s up to you.