The Great Gatsby: When You’re Obsessed with Someone, It’s Not About Love—It’s About the Fantasy You’ve Created

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"We are all haunted by the past, forever chasing the ghosts of happiness we’ve lost."
—The Great Gatsby

Sometimes, it’s best to let go of what’s gone. Clinging to it only brings needless pain.

Published in 1925, this 100,000-word classic marks its centennial this year, yet its power remains undiminished. Hailed as "the most meticulously crafted American novel," it earned praise from literary giants like Hemingway and Murakami.

The story follows Jay Gatsby, a young officer consumed by his obsession with Daisy Buchanan—a wealthy socialite. His relentless pursuit ends not in love, but in tragedy.

Readers often call it "essential reading for the love-struck." The novel lays bare both the purity and the ugliness of human nature. Gatsby’s self-destructive devotion teaches us:

In love, stay clear-eyed.
See others for who they are—and never undervalue yourself.

True love thrives on mutual devotion.
A one-sided battle leads only to ruin.

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Part 1: The Allure of the Unattainable

Gatsby, born to poor farmers in the American Midwest, was driven from childhood. With fierce discipline, he followed a Franklin-style self-improvement plan, dedicating every hour to study and growth. His relentless focus paid off: he excelled in the military, rising to lieutenant.

It was then he met Daisy, a golden girl from old money. He vowed to marry her. But her family despised his poverty. While Gatsby was deployed overseas, they pushed Daisy into marrying Tom Buchanan—a wealthy heir.

Returning home to find Daisy married, Gatsby burned with resentment. He swore to outshine Tom in wealth and win her back.

He chased fortune relentlessly: clamming and salmon fishing, working his way through college, even shadowing a business mogul, Dan Cody, to earn his first real money. Desperate to reclaim his lost love, he plunged into illegal ventures. Years later, he’d amassed a fortune.

He bought a mansion on West Egg, Long Island, hosting lavish parties that drew celebrities and socialites. Young, handsome, and newly rich, Gatsby was every debutante’s dream. Some threw themselves at him—yet he remained unmoved.

No one measured up to Daisy. Not even close.

It brings to mind that line from My Sunshine:

"If someone like that exists in your world, everyone else is just a compromise. And I refuse to settle."

Gatsby refused to settle. Every sacrifice was for the love poverty stole from him—a love that became his prison.

The harder we chase something, the more it consumes us.
What we can’t have rarely lives up to the dream.

Part 2: Loving the Illusion, Not the Person

Gatsby had hosted lavish parties for months, yet Daisy remained absent. Determined, he enlisted his neighbor Nick to arrange a tea meeting—creating the perfect "chance" encounter.

He canceled critical business meetings, arriving early at Nick's cottage. When Daisy appeared, the formidable tycoon transformed into a nervous boy. Five years of longing simmered beneath the surface, yet he revealed nothing. Daisy, flustered but poised, maintained her composure.

Later, Gatsby invited them to his mansion. Daisy gasped at its opulence—the castle-like architecture, the pool, the yacht. She slipped her arm through his, touring rooms filled with custom-tailored suits and silk shirts. At the sight of his walk-in closets, she buried her face in her hands, weeping: "I've never seen such beautiful clothes..."

Five years apart. Five years dreaming. But the reunion revealed a harsh truth: Daisy was no longer the pure-hearted girl he remembered. She'd grown vain and grasping, mesmerized only by his wealth.

Gatsby sensed the change but quickly dismissed it. His Daisy—the ideal he cherished—couldn't have faded. As Gabriel García Márquez wrote in Love in the Time of Cholera:

"He was content just to see her... Slowly he idealized her, attributing to her improbable virtues and imagined feelings."

His devotion wasn't to Daisy, but to the fantasy he'd crafted.

Beautiful bubbles burst at a touch.
Perfect lovers exist only in dreams.

Love the real person—flaws and all—or face perpetual disappointment. True connection means embracing both their light and shadows.

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Part 3: Waking from the Dream

After reuniting with Daisy, Gatsby grew impatient with secrecy. He wanted her to leave Tom—permanently. He provoked Tom ("I know your wife"), hosted the couple at his mansion, and danced openly with Daisy.

Soon, she visited him regularly. He fired his entire staff to prevent gossip and stopped hosting parties because she disliked "strangers" in their space.

Eventually, Gatsby confronted Tom: "Daisy never loved you. She loves me."

Enraged, Tom exposed Gatsby's criminal past—bootlegging, shady dealings, his entire fraudulent rise. The revelations shattered Daisy's illusion of Gatsby. Panicked, she begged to leave... then ran over Myrtle Wilson while driving Gatsby's car.

Sitting beside her, Gatsby vowed to take the blame. He never knew Daisy and Tom had already conspired to pin the crime on him. And when Tom manipulated Wilson into believing Gatsby killed Myrtle, the grieving husband shot him dead.

As Gatsby lay dying, Daisy and Tom fled with packed suitcases.

He'd given his life for her—but her selfishness and artifice made his sacrifice worthless. Gatsby built an empire, only to have it destroyed by a love that never truly existed.

Loving the wrong person is like sailing through fog:
Every step risks disaster.

Had he seen Daisy clearly—had he woken up—tragedy might have been avoided. As the saying goes:

"What truly torments you isn't anyone's cruelty—it's the expectations and dependencies born of your own illusions."

Wrong path? Change course.
Wrong love? Let go.

Only by releasing fantasy do we awaken.
Clutching delusions leads to self-destruction.

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Final Thoughts

Eileen Chang once observed:

"If two people truly love each other, nothing keeps them apart. When they don’t unite, someone has chosen comfort over courage—always."

Daisy proved this twice over: marrying Tom for status, then clinging to Gatsby for luxury. Deep down, Gatsby knew. Yet he chose the dream.

We can't wake those pretending to sleep.
Only they can choose to open their eyes.

Many seek love as a cure for life's emptiness. But the real remedy lies within:
Release illusions. Cherish what's real. That’s the truest path to peace.