The Brutal Truth: If You Have to "Force" Yourself to Do Something, You’ll Probably Fail (This Might Blow Your Mind)

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Let’s revisit an all-too-familiar "tragedy" we replay year after year:
You sign up for a gym membership, swearing you’ll get those abs. You go three times… and it becomes a glorified bath pass.
You buy a stack of books, vowing to read four a month. A few pages in… they become permanent bookends for your instant noodles.
You decide to run early. The alarm wins for three days. By day four, you’re thinking, "Why am I at war with my bed?"
Hence the classic: Set a New Year’s goal to "get rich," only to achieve the latter half by December—getting round.

Cue the self-loathing: "Why am I so weak-willed?" "I’m just a walking, talking failure at commitment."
We blame it all on our lack of "perseverance."

But here’s a truth that might shatter everything you thought you knew:
Anything you have to grit your teeth, furrow your brow, battle yourself daily, and rely on sheer "willpower" to "stick with"... is doomed from the start.

Why? Because the real engine driving lasting action isn’t some abstract concept of "perseverance." It’s positive feedback—real, tangible feelings of reward.

Your Brain is a Pleasure-Seeking Scoundrel (Not Your Loyal Partner)

We assume our brain is our ally. Wrong.
Biologically, your brain is incredibly short-sighted and lazy. Its core mission? Keep you alive and chase as much "reward" (dopamine hits) as possible.
When you "force" yourself through something painful, what are you really doing?

You’re flooding your brain with negative feedback.

Imagine "forcing" yourself to run:
Dragging yourself from warm sheets (pain). Gulping cold air outside (pain). Huffing, puffing, legs burning (pain). Sore muscles screaming the next day (agony).
Your brain gets one clear signal: "SUFFERING! STOP THIS!"
To protect you, it activates a masterful "self-sabotage" system:
"Too cold, you’ll catch a chill!" "Didn’t sleep enough, running could kill you!" "One day off won’t hurt..."
It always finds the perfect excuse to quit—without a shred of guilt.

This isn’t weak willpower. This is you designing torture for your own brain.
Anyone framing an activity as something to "persevere" through has already labeled it a chore.
You’re declaring war on your own nature.
How could you possibly win?

Masters Don't "Persist." They Feed Their Brain Candy.

So, are people who stick with things long-term just natural-born masochists?
Absolutely not.
They aren't white-knuckling it. They're experts at tricking and tempting their brains—feeding it constant "candy" (positive feedback) along the way.

Take my friend, Aaron. Once 240 lbs (110 kg), now a "running legend" in our circle, competing in marathons.
I asked, "How did you stick with running?"
He laughed: "I never tried to 'stick' with anything."
His start was simple: a doctor warned him about high blood pressure or diabetes if he didn’t lose weight.
No grand "5k every day" pledge. Step one? He dropped serious cash on sleek, pro-level running gear.
"Putting that kit on made me feel like an athlete. Not running felt like wasting it."
That’s initial feedback: Ritual & Identity.

His first run? No speed or distance goals. Just: "Finish this hilarious podcast episode."
He remembered the laughs, not the burn.
That’s feedback: Pairing Pleasure.

He tracked every run on an app. Watching the map line grow from 1km to 1.5km to 3km... the visible progress fueled him.
That’s feedback: Measurable Wins.

Occasionally, he’d post a run screenshot. Friends flooded him with "You’re killing it!" comments. Vanity? Satisfied.
That’s feedback: Social Proof.

Then came the day he noticed: Post-run clarity, soaring energy... and the scale showing 5 lbs (2+ kg) gone.
That’s feedback: The Ultimate Result.

See the pattern? He wasn’t "persevering." He was playing a game.
Like a brilliant game designer, he built a system of "leveling up."
Every step offered a reward. Every win was acknowledged.
His brain got hooked on the dopamine hits. It stopped resisting and started craving: "Play again!"

Masters don't run on willpower. They run on engineered feedback loops.

The Drive Upgrade: From Fear to Passion

This reminds me of my parents’ generation.
People of their era had incredible “staying power.” They’d tighten bolts on an assembly line for decades, or till the same fields year after year.
If you asked, “Wasn’t it hard?” they’d say, “Of course. But what choice did we have?”
What drove them wasn’t passion—it was fear.
Fear that “If I don’t do this, my family starves.” Fear that “If I slack today, tomorrow brings ruin.”
Fear is a brutally powerful motivator—one that can squeeze every drop of potential from a person.

Then came my generation—the 80s kids. We’re the bridge.
On one hand, we inherited our parents’ “fear DNA”: terrified of being left behind, of sliding down the social ladder. That’s why we “hustle” (juǎn).
On the other, we have more choices than they ever did. We’re the first who got to talk about “passion” and “doing what you love.”
So my drive? Half fear, half love.

But deep down, I dream of something purer for my daughter:
I want her actions fueled by genuine love—to work like Warren Buffett, “tap-dancing to the office.”
Because a life driven by fear tastes bitter at its core.
But a life powered by love and positive feedback? That’s sweetness.
And isn’t “love” just the ultimate form of positive feedback?
When the act itself floods you with joy, you need no external reward.

So stop bullying yourself with the word “perseverance.”
It reeks of suffering. Starting today—erase it.
Your goal isn’t to become a martyr. It’s to become a “game designer”—a master at making your goals addictive.

How? Ask yourself three questions before starting anything:

1.How can I turn “pain points” into “pleasure points”?
(e.g., Swap rote vocabulary drills for a gamified app like Duolingo.)

2.How can I make my progress visible?
(e.g., Track streaks in a journal, use a habit app, or partner with an accountability buddy.)

3.What’s the tiniest starting action that earns an instant reward?
(e.g., Don’t force yourself to write 1,000 words. Just: Open laptop → Create new doc → Reward with coffee → Write three lines.)

As James Clear writes in Atomic Habits:
“You do not rise to the level of your goals. You fall to the level of your systems.”

What transforms you isn’t gritting your teeth once—it’s building a feedback loop so fun, you level up without even noticing.
So starting today—may you never “persevere” at anything again.
Instead, may you get joyfully, gloriously addicted to growth.
(Core idea inspired by: Atomic Habits by James Clear)